I Need To Calm Down

I guess.

I am not a person who enjoys yelling or being yelled at. I have a loud talking voice but not approaching yelling levels, just the kind of loud that requires my boyfriend to gently remind me that there are neighbors when I’m loudly talking in bed at midnight and everyone else in the building is probably trying to sleep. I once left a Flywheel class (RIP Flywheel) and walked out onto the street in Williamsburg without taking off my little cycling shoes because the male instructor was yelling too much and it was a little upsetting. But for the past week I keep finding myself in situations in which I am yelling at strangers.

On Tuesday last week I went into the office in Soho, which is both very invigorating (a lot of socializing, a lot of in-person connection) and also a little bit exhausting for me (see above). On my way home on the Q train a guy in business attire was talking very loudly into his phone, which was on speaker. Maybe the train car was just preternaturally quiet but I don’t think so, everyone was just doing the thing where they don’t intentionally make eye contact with you to indicate annoyance but they happen to catch your eye and then look over at the source of the noise and it’s apparent they are annoyed. An entire car full of people was doing this in regard to the man next to me who was shouting into his phone about, I don’t even know, work? Something else? For several minutes. Before I could consider that this man could probably punch me in the face if he wanted to I turned to him and shouted, “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” and…