All The Toys I Panic-Bought My New Cat To Try To Impress Him, Ranked

This week my family grew by one: On Tuesday morning Kate picked me up in Tyler’s car and drove me down to Flatbush for one very important task: To pick up Carmichael, the cat I have been adopting, from his foster. I grew up with cats but it took me seven years of living in New York to acquire one for myself. This is because every roommate I’ve had in New York has been staunchly anti-cat or had their own that I inevitably doted on instead. But now I’m here in my own apartment and I wanted a cat, so one day I opened up the Instagram page for Flatbush Cats and the first post that caught my eye was of the recently rescued Carmichael.

Carmichael appears to be part fox but is allegedly fully cat. He has a big bushy fluffy tail and orange pointy ears and big funny eyes and a little birthmark next to his nose. He looks funny but sophisticated. The person who initially rescued him off the streets a couple months ago found me on Instagram (I am simply telling you the truth when I say they run a cat colony in which every cat is named after a character in the Lin Manuel Miranda musical Hamilton) to tell me the story of how she found him: He showed up at her cat colony one day when she was feeding the cats. He let her pet him but he was very scared and hungry and he ate three large cans of cat food (this tracks, tbh). She came back with…